BEFORE 30 DIARIES

I met Lucia, my primary school best friend and she reminded me of who I used to be, a glimpse of my past self. As I was struggling to comprehend the horrible prices of chicken in the meat isle, someone calls me by name and who do you I see? My very bestie from 6th-7th grade. Ci ( my nickname for her). Grocery shopping with her family. Now a mother of two beautiful girls, my girl was as bubbly as I remembered her and I was thrilled to meet her, our hug had a shimmy, if you know you know. She tells me how she'd see my mom in public but never gets to see me. Her first compliment to me is how I lost weight and don't agree with her lol. She then continues to ask me. " do you still sing" No but I still love music. "Do you still love rastafarians? " Girl I haven't met one in a long time. "Are you still as crazy as I remember?" OH baby I'm as boring as they get. Of course our conversation end with arrangements to meet for drinks. For th...

Nothing is as frustrating as being at the age where you can do whatever you want, but the things you thought you'd do when you're grown are all tasteless. I'm sitting with my mother, listening to Sade on YouTube. She's on her phone, I'm obviously on mine, but the mood is warm in this winter because of the beautiful melodies playing in the background. She starts to reminisce about the times she'd go to jazz festivals, and how back then the load of life was light. As the song ends, I stop scrolling. A sense of sadness hits me. I think about how lucky she is to have existed in a time where art was appreciated by autonomous minds. How they knew of an upcoming event through posters and word of mouth. And all they had to think about was what they were going to wear and how groovy it'll be there. No matter how filled the location was, there was an air of excitement. People arrived with their camp chairs and cooler boxes to have a good time, not to captu...

Growing up in a household headed by my great-grandmother, I learned that she held many traditions in high esteem—one of them being that we must cover our heads during ceremonies. ​We would cover our heads during funerals, September thanksgiving, unveilings, and prayers or while visiting the grave site. This tradition was and is reserved for the women I believe in most cultures. ​Why? I never asked. I never felt the need to; in fact, I enjoyed it. It made me proud to be a part of the matriarchy.  In 2021, when my sister came back from initiation school, I started reading the Bible. I don't know why, ask the Holy Spirit. And every time I did, I would wear a doek. Eventually, I started wearing it leisurely, using a "bad hair day" as an excuse, though I knew deep down I just loved how it felt. I'm not saying the tradition was forced on to me but little girls do look up to their grounded adults, Sarah(my great-grammy) helped my mom raise us with love and support. And I won...

Often times I get paralyzed by my own fear, fear of success, fear of losing the comfort and fear of risks. I start a project and have it all layered out but when it comes to execution, I'm suddenly thrown into self-sabotage, the "what ifs". What if no one supports me. What if I fail. What if its not perfect. Here is my personal favorite, quite unusual too. What if I succeed too much that I become detached. I'm not saying it's my personal favorite because I have accepted that I do not want to succeed. No. I say that because attachment to me is addition. What if I become too obsessed with making money?  Oh my God I'm laughing at that last line as I type this. My mom today, 16th June asked me probably for the 10th time what do I want to do. I sat there tea in my hand grinning like an idiot while also praying for her to change the subject, so I said to her I wanna make money. She said "you have the tools what's stopping you?" In my head I gave her a ...

I cannot seem to remember when exactly did the approval of others started to matter to me. When did I all of a sudden get shy and embarrassed. Why did I stop being a child?. Now that I think of it, I do remember.  It's a family gathering and my mother just went out to an event with a friend, she probably thought because there's family everywhere then her babies are safe, loved. It's true, we were loved and protected.  But for an energetic child like myself, something was shifting. The look of scorn here and there, that said sit your ass down or go play outside.  I looked outside and no child was my age and the young but older kids were playing together. But I'm too young for older kids, too old for younger kids.  There's a chance that I panicked at the thought that I'm alone, nobody wants to play with me. Could it be that when I danced in front of the adults they only clapped because mommy was there? They clapped because i was the shit, or that because they were...

Mothers are akin to pillows, they make life easy and comfortable and at the end of the day we seem to be leaning on to them for support. These are the life lessons my mother taught me, I hope they can change your perspective on life for the better. 1. Fun is endless — Monate hao fele Mama said it is okay to want to focus on other things and put off "fun" for sometime, because no one is waiting on you to start having fun and, you don't get to wait on anybody else to have some fun. This taught me to be creative with my time. 2. Education has no Age limit — Thuto hae tsofalloe My mother is always looking for ways to improve her skills and gain knowledge this I admire about her. She believes that it is never too late to start learning and that education can sustain you for life like, when you feel like starting over, your qualifications are something to fall back on. 3. Wait your turn — Ha re le batho, ha re phele ka ho tsoahana She taught us to never compare ourselves to oth...