The Windy Season: August In The Vaal
Often times I get paralyzed by my own fear, fear of success, fear of losing the comfort and fear of risks.
I start a project and have it all layered out but when it comes to execution, I'm suddenly thrown into self-sabotage, the "what ifs".
What if no one supports me. What if I fail. What if its not perfect. Here is my personal favorite, quite unusual too. What if I succeed too much that I become detached.
I'm not saying it's my personal favorite because I have accepted that I do not want to succeed. No. I say that because attachment to me is addition. What if I become too obsessed with making money?
Oh my God I'm laughing at that last line as I type this.
My mom today, 16th June asked me probably for the 10th time what do I want to do.
I sat there tea in my hand grinning like an idiot while also praying for her to change the subject, so I said to her I wanna make money. She said "you have the tools what's stopping you?" In my head I gave her a list of all the business plans I wrote, the projects that needed implementing.
My lack is not thinking of a way to make money, Its exposure, I'm well aware. I mean I sold Avon and I never went door to door.
I could blame lack of support but my family tried.The lack of tertiary background the list goes on. I feel stuck maybe because, I want to start of perfect. And while I market myself I want no rejections. I want the journey to be comfortable. How silly.
The question is. Am I too much in my head?
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