The Windy Season: August In The Vaal

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It's that time of year when seeds scatter, ready for new homes. It's a season of acceptance, because what follows is a new beginning. August feels like a season of relief, proof of Spring.. A blackberry tree spotting new leaves There are blackberry trees on the third house from mine, already spotting new leaves. By month's end, all of it will be green. In the south, August is windy, and dusty too; it turns the sky a soft, thick orange, the kind you watch from behind a window rather than step into. The afternoons warm up, but nobody dares stay outside too long, especially in the Kasi. You'd end up coated in dust like the ground itself. I remember when my stockings would be almost a brown shade after school. A woman's month, it's a cozy month in its own way.  My mother was born in August, and she's always believed her birth month carries good news with it. I've seen it happen enough times to believe it. That is why it's always a pleasure to enjoy th...
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Self-Sabotage: A Girl Stuck By Her Own Doing

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Often times I get paralyzed by my own fear, fear of success, fear of losing the comfort and fear of risks.


I start a project and have it all layered out but when it comes to execution, I'm suddenly thrown into self-sabotage, the "what ifs".

What if no one supports me. What if I fail. What if its not perfect. Here is my personal favorite, quite unusual too. What if I succeed too much that I become detached.

I'm not saying it's my personal favorite because I have accepted that I do not want to succeed. No. I say that because attachment to me is addition. What if I become too obsessed with making money? 

Oh my God I'm laughing at that last line as I type this.

My mom today, 16th June asked me probably for the 10th time what do I want to do.

I sat there tea in my hand grinning like an idiot while also praying for her to change the subject, so I said to her I wanna make money. She said "you have the tools what's stopping you?" In my head I gave her a list of all the business plans I wrote, the projects that needed implementing. 

My lack is not thinking of a way to make money, Its exposure, I'm well aware. I mean I sold Avon and I never went door to door.

I could blame lack of support but my family tried.The lack of tertiary background the list goes on. I feel stuck maybe because, I want to start of perfect. And while I market myself I want no rejections. I want the journey to be comfortable. How silly.

The question is. Am I too much in my head?



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