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Showing posts from June, 2026

IF MY MOM WAS STRICTER

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This year, I started making big decisions about how I want to show up for myself career-wise, the type of community I want to build on social media, and how God can use me. Regarding that last part, I realize now that it wouldn't have even been a thought had my mom been stricter or tried to play the role of a father as a single parent. What finally led me to seek God was my willingness to read. I read Genesis and thought about how wild the stories were, and then I'd relay them to my family. I continued reading while taking notes on God's role in every story. God's role in my own story was what I was missing all along: a father. After reading the Bible back-to-back, I kept returning to it. This time, my focus was on Jesus, and I started to perceive Him as a brother. In my mind, fathers are strict, but brothers can talk them down or help them see reason. It will all make sense when you read the Bible—I promise. My sweet mom, I now realize, is perfect just as God intended ...
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A Grounding Crown: How I Find Peace In Doek

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Growing up in a household headed by my great-grandmother, I learned that she held many traditions in high esteem—one of them being that we must cover our heads during ceremonies. ​We would cover our heads during funerals, September thanksgiving, unveilings, and prayers or while visiting the grave site. This tradition was and is reserved for the women I believe in most cultures. ​Why? I never asked. I never felt the need to; in fact, I enjoyed it. It made me proud to be a part of the matriarchy.  In 2021, when my sister came back from initiation school, I started reading the Bible. I don't know why, ask the Holy Spirit. And every time I did, I would wear a doek. Eventually, I started wearing it leisurely, using a "bad hair day" as an excuse, though I knew deep down I just loved how it felt. I'm not saying the tradition was forced on to me but little girls do look up to their grounded adults, Sarah(my great-grammy) helped my mom raise us with love and support. And I won...
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Self-Sabotage: A Girl Stuck By Her Own Doing

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Often times I get paralyzed by my own fear, fear of success, fear of losing the comfort and fear of risks. I start a project and have it all layered out but when it comes to execution, I'm suddenly thrown into self-sabotage, the "what ifs". What if no one supports me. What if I fail. What if its not perfect. Here is my personal favorite, quite unusual too. What if I succeed too much that I become detached. I'm not saying it's my personal favorite because I have accepted that I do not want to succeed. No. I say that because attachment to me is addition. What if I become too obsessed with making money?  Oh my God I'm laughing at that last line as I type this. My mom today, 16th June asked me probably for the 10th time what do I want to do. I sat there tea in my hand grinning like an idiot while also praying for her to change the subject, so I said to her I wanna make money. She said "you have the tools what's stopping you?" In my head I gave her a ...
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Going Back To Being Childlike

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I cannot seem to remember when exactly did the approval of others started to matter to me. When did I all of a sudden get shy and embarrassed. Why did I stop being a child?. Now that I think of it, I do remember.  It's a family gathering and my mother just went out to an event with a friend, she probably thought because there's family everywhere then her babies are safe, loved. It's true, we were loved and protected.  But for an energetic child like myself, something was shifting. The look of scorn here and there, that said sit your ass down or go play outside.  I looked outside and no child was my age and the young but older kids were playing together. But I'm too young for older kids, too old for younger kids.  There's a chance that I panicked at the thought that I'm alone, nobody wants to play with me. Could it be that when I danced in front of the adults they only clapped because mommy was there? They clapped because i was the shit, or that because they were...
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